Finally Listening to Red Flags

I identify red flags quickly now,nand finally, I actually listen to them.

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In the past, I didn't think it was a red flag, just a behavior I didn't appreciate. It was nothing, who said it would happen again? Even if I recognized it, maybe I was wrong? Maybe I was the one who didn't understand, and they were actually behaving more rationally than me?

So I would get deeper with them, ignoring one flag after another, until eventually, when I was already deeply involved, I could no longer ignore them. They were no longer just flags; they were boundary violations, painful experiences, sometimes traumatic ones.

They fooled me oncenThey fooled me twicenThey fooled me thricenShame on me…n

More accurately, I fooled myself.

But eventually, after many years of pain and an entire decade of hitting bottom and coming back from the dead—the camel's back broke. It was the last straw and the last time I would turn a blind eye to a red flag.

Beyond Acceptance

I began accepting that people are who they are, taking them as they come, each at a distance and in a format that allows us to be well together.

And something else…nI began accepting myself!

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I cannot doubt my inner voice because it's the only voice I have. I follow it, listen to it, and learn about the world with it.

Success used to be the highest value; I abandoned myself for it. Today, being is the highest value, and together we're learning how to succeed too.

I've even changed my definition of success accordingly!nSuccess for me is no longer "achieving the outcome I planned to achieve."nSuccess is when I take a step connected to my heart, a step I am at peace with.

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And so, every moment I listen to my heart and allow it to transform into thoughts (yes, I used to silence even my thoughts) and words and actions—I "succeed."

Learn more about our inner voice.

For more on setting boundaries in relationships, see this resource.