The Chase and the Rest

How cute we are…nWe see an attractive woman/man/job/trip (etc.), and then imagine that we want it—that it will make us happy.

n

It can truly fill the hole in our heart for a while; sometimes it really feels like there's no hole anymore… but there is.

If we've been chasing something, or if we're running away from what exists right now as we're here with our regular lives—then there's a hole.

And it's not going anywhere.

The Hole

This hole is the absence of ourselves. Our distance from ourselves. It's that place in the room of our heart reserved for ourselves, and when that place is empty—the entire room feels empty, and then we feel lonely.

To fill it, we can connect inward, learn to love and appreciate what we have, instead of chasing temporary external solutions.

Recalculating Route

All these things that seem so critical out there, the things we absolutely must have right now, but right now! They are reflections of the pain we have when we look inside our heart and see an empty room.

It feels like losing a loved one, someone who was our entire world, a parent or a child. And then, to find renewed meaning in life, we set a goal: a beautiful woman like in the movies, a cool house, doing whatever we want, and money! Lots and lots of money! 👽

Hoping that only if we have all this, will we finally feel the longed-for fullness.

We're cute that it's so important for us to feel complete, to feel love burning within us, to feel that home is here—wherever we are, that we want closeness, intimacy, to feel that as we are is good, whole, worthy.

And it's not so complicated, not so difficult to reach this wholeness.

It's much easier than the exhausting chase we're already engaged in after the happiness supposedly hidden in bed with an attractive person or in a wallet full of bills.

The prevailing worldview doesn't show us the way there. So it can seem difficult and confusing, because wherever we look, we see signs directing us everywhere—just not to the right place.

All we need is to draw a map that takes us to the right place and continue walking, and it gets easier and easier, at an exponential rate; each year is many times better than the year before.

How Do You Draw This Map?

What I can say in general, sweeping terms, that will apply to everyone, is that it's about our relationship with ourselves and with the world (which are one and the same). As I've already hinted.

It's learning how to love. What love is. How to implement it in practice. And as we deepen in the process—it becomes refined. It's like learning to draw—at first we draw stick figures, meaning we take a relatively small and crude step but still a step, and then it refines slowly until we're drawing every hair and wrinkle.

This refined stage is comparable to a state where awareness develops of what feels good to us and what doesn't, what aligns with our inner compass and what doesn't. Order establishes between thoughts, feelings, impulses, and desires, and clarity regarding the proper attitude toward them.

The process takes time, I won't lie. Everyone starts from their own point, of course. For me, since the turning point when I decided to commit to this process, it took 5 years until I started to feel close to myself in a fairly stable way. I'm still deepening in the process, but the experience of life is already much more pleasant, and I'm not rushing anywhere.

Arrival at the Destination

At this stage, the room is no longer empty all the time. This self I mentioned earlier now visits it. It feels safer to be here with us. We no longer ignore it, don't force it to do things it doesn't want to do, don't judge and criticize it.

And then there's a feeling that everything is good. It no longer matters so much what the situation is in bed or in the wallet—inside there's ease and comfort. And then, it no longer suits us to work at something that doesn't interest us—we dedicate ourselves to what truly makes us happy. And we're also not interested in sleeping with someone attractive only to not understand in the morning what we're doing there with them—we want a connection that opens our heart, that teaches us to love more and more.

We no longer lack anything, but we're happy to enrich the experience.

Disclaimer: This text is mainly intended to provide inspiration. My life has improved beyond recognition following my reconnection with myself.

I believe that the better we feel as individuals—the better we are as a society, and I'd like to help make that happen.

Read more about dealing with fears and self-abandonment.

For more on finding inner fulfillment, see this article.