As a child, I noticed a dissonance in the behavior of the adults around me. It was something something deeply important that as a child I couldn’t quite put into words. Everything else in life seemed insignificant in comparison to that.
As I grew older, I began to doubt myself, thinking that maybe the everyone are fine and I was the one who “doesn’t get it”. The memory of the dissonance was pushed into my subconscious, leaving me feeling that whatever I did in life was meaningless because “there was something else I was supposed to be doing, but I couldn’t remember what it was”. This feeling of frustration lingered with me for a long time.
At times, I felt like I was getting closer to figuring out what I should be doing, while at other times, I felt completely oblivious, like in the game of hot and cold. Both experiences helped me because I could cross-reference them and determine what felt right and what felt like a waste of my time.
At some point, something clicked, and it all started to make sense – it was a real turning point for me. It happened during my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Whenever intimacy was lost and replaced by what we called a “functional relationship”, my ex would become irritated, and we would end up in a raging conflict that could last for hours or even days. The only thing that would end the conflict and bring back the intimacy was surrendering to the truth – to stop trying to be right and face what really existed.
It’s not easy to admit one’s own feelings and perspective, especially when the other person is angry and judging you.
I learned that intimacy is the life-current of a relationship and that giving in to fear drives intimacy away. I also understood that what bothered me as a child about the adults around me was the lack of intimacy – and when I say “intimacy” I mean being real, authentic, connected and present, open-hearted, honest, involved, have a sense of belonging.
Years later, I learned how to create an environment that supports authenticity, allowing intimacy even where tensions and judgments exist, that would then be magically transformed into love.
I feel that it’s my calling to pass on to others the ability to grow their authenticity and intimacy in their relationships, whether romantic, friendly or with their friends.
