Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder… unless the beholder is brainwashed."nor alternatively -n"There's no arguing about taste – unless you've long forgotten your own taste because you've been conforming to social norms."

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Final Chapter

She wasn't exactly my type in terms of appearance, but it didn't matter; we hugged as part of the activity taking place at that event.

I never imagined that hug would lead to a rare and special physical connection, which would lead to a special emotional connection, which would lead to disappointment because she was in a relationship—open, but still a relationship, and I wanted the whole package.

More than two months passed, countless conversations, and several meetings, and suddenly I realized for the first time that she wasn't really my type at all.

But I enjoyed her company so much, the touch was excellent, and the sexuality was sacred… How could this be? Is she beautiful to me or not? Is she attractive to me or not?

When I think about the criteria she doesn't meet, then no—she's not really beautiful or attractive.

But when I forget about that and simply ask myself without logic or explanations whether she's beautiful and attractive—the answer is yes, clearly and absolutely yes.

What's going on here?

First Chapter

I remember, back when I was a teenager in high school, I had girlfriends and was genuinely attracted to them, and the question of whether they "looked good" or were "hot" didn't even exist for me. I didn't have such thoughts or specific standards.

In the army, there was a moment, a seed of developing an appearance image that conformed to social standards, when I started seeing one of the female soldiers on the base (which didn't happen often) and one of the soldiers who saw this and was her friend (and was gay) said, "She has a really good body," and meanwhile my brain, like some Commander Data or artificial intelligence, recorded "her body = good body." The comment was registered in the system!

Since then, I've recorded many such signals that indicate who is more beautiful and who is less, if I'm with this one it means I won the lottery and if I'm with that one it means I settled. An entire system of calculations to position myself correctly in the mating game that determines my perceived value in society and apparently also towards myself.

And indeed, I found myself a beautiful girlfriend who easily met the requirements of the role assigned to her—to be the jailer in my internal prison. She held my value, so I wasn't free because I depended on her, and she wasn't free either because she had a role to fulfill, and I made sure to behave in ways that reminded her of her place.

(Not that she objected; it's a very popular and prestigious role in our society)

And then many years passed, and I found myself with a model again, except this time she wasn't obedient. She didn't care that she was in a role, and she! shook! my! value! every! day! Every day, almost systematically, she found ways to deeply shake my sense of value—then restore it, then shake it—then restore it.

And for a while, I simply experienced tremendous pain and confusion daily, without a clue how to escape this loop.

Until one day it happened. Without realizing it, something changed. Something hit me, and suddenly I stepped out. It wasn't just metaphorical; I really stepped out, and when I did, I did the impossible—I let what had determined my value stay behind, and I didn't know who I would be without it, but I stepped out anyway.

I didn't know where it came from, not from thought—it came from the body, and it was definitive; there were no more doubts. At that moment, nothing else existed, just this act.

Eureka!

Looking back, releasing control and letting my life as I knew it go was the first stage, a seed. Today it's blooming, beautiful, taking up space and attention, feeling comfortable where it is, and small green fruits are beginning to appear.

This time these fruits are truly mine, and I allow people to pick as many as they want—partly because I know more will grow, but mainly because I no longer need them.

I no longer need to provide value in order to have value; I know that value exists simply by virtue of being.

And so, knowing this, I also allow your value to be there simply by virtue of your being, without needing to meet any special standards.

The image expresses the situation where we don't recognize the true value of things—imagining we're worth nothing when in fact we don't see the abundance that already exists.nIt was created using the "Flux" artificial intelligence model.

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Read more about releasing fears and our limiting beliefs.

For more on beauty standards and self-perception, see this resource.