The Rat Race

We’re so adorable…

We see an attractive woman, man, job, trip (etc.), and we imagine wanting it—that it will make us happy. And it might actually fill the hole in our hearts for a while. Sometimes it even feels like the hole is gone… but it’s still there. If we’ve chased after something, or if we’ve run away from what is right here, in our ordinary lives, then there’s a hole. And it isn’t going anywhere.

That hole is the absence of ourselves—the disconnection from ourselves. It’s that space in the room of our heart that is reserved for us. And when it’s empty, the whole room feels empty—and we feel lonely.

To fill it, we can turn inward, learn to love, and appreciate what is already there, instead of chasing temporary external solutions.

The Void All those things that seem so critical outside of us, the things we absolutely must have right now—now! —are just reflections of the pain we feel when we look into our hearts and see an empty room.

It feels like losing a loved one—someone who was our whole world, a parent or child. And then, to find renewed meaning in life, we set goals: a beautiful woman like in the movies, a cool house, doing whatever we want, and money! Loads of money!

We hope that if we just have all of this, we will finally feel the fullness we crave.

Recalculating Route

We’re so endearing, the way it matters so much to us—this need to feel whole. To feel love burning inside us. To feel home, here, wherever we are. We want closeness, intimacy, to feel that as we are, we are good, complete, and worthy.

And it’s not that complicated, nor is it so hard to get there.

It’s much easier than the exhausting chase we’ve already embarked on—the one after happiness that supposedly hides in bed with the hottest woman or in a wallet full of cash.

The world’s prevailing narrative doesn’t show us the way there. It teaches us to chase external markers of success—like status, wealth, or appearances—as if they hold the key to happiness. But in doing so, it distracts us from looking inward, to the only relationship that can actually change our life from the inside out. That’s why it can feel hard and confusing, because everywhere we look, we see signs promising us the feelings that we want to feel, like joy and success, without actually changing. Then, the feeling passes, and we stay with the same old self, feeling exactly like we felt before, just with less hope that it will ever really change.

In order to get on the right path inwards, we need to draw ourselves a new map—one that leads to the right place, and just keep walking. It gets easier and easier, exponentially so. Life then gets easier and more fulfilling with every year that passes.

Drawing a New Map

What I can say in general, broadly, in a way that applies to everyone, is that it’s about your relationship with yourself and with the world (which is the same thing, really). As I already hinted before.

It’s about learning how to love. What love even is. How to implement it in practice. And as you go deeper into the process, it refines itself. It’s like learning how to draw—at first, you draw a stick figure. A small, rough step—but still a step. And then, gradually, you refine it until you can draw every strand of hair and every wrinkle.

That refined stage is an allegory for an inner state, in which you’re becoming aware of what feels good for you and what doesn’t, what aligns with your inner compass and what doesn’t. Thoughts, emotions, urges, and desires, find their rightful place in your inner reality, and you get clear on how to relate to each of them.

This process takes time, I won’t lie. Everyone starts from their own current position. For me, from the moment I decided to dedicate myself to this process, it took five years until I began to feel consistently close to myself. I’m still deepening the process, but life already feels much more pleasant, and I’m not on a rush to get anywhere.

You Have Arrived at Your Destination

At this stage, the room isn’t empty all the time anymore. That self I mentioned earlier starts to visit. It feels safer to be here with us. We no longer ignore it, force it to do things it doesn’t want to do, judge it, or criticize it.

And then, there’s a sense that everything is good. It no longer really matters what’s happening in bed or in the wallet—inside, we feel calm and comfortable. At that point, it no longer fits to work in something that doesn’t interest us—we devote ourselves to what genuinely brings us joy. And we no longer care about hooking up with someone attractive just to wake up in the morning wondering what we’re doing there. We want a connection that opens our hearts, that teaches us to love even more. And even more.

There’s no longer a void, but we’re happy to enrich the experience.

Disclaimer

This text is meant to inspire.

My life has improved beyond recognition since I began reconnecting with myself.

I believe that the better we are as individuals, the better we are as a society. And I want to help make that happen.

So here’s an invitation—if this post spoke to you, and you’d like my support on your journey to yourself, I invite you to message me privately. I’d be happy to listen and offer my perspective. I’ll serve as a new set of signs that lead you inwards rather than outwards. I’ll help you draw a new map and escort you until you’ll gain confidence to continue on your own.

And if this post resonated with you, I’d appreciate it if you leave a comment—it really helps with visibility.